I am a very highly strung and emotional person. There are times when I feel like I am a tight rope walker walking on a thin line of sanity high above a bottomless pit of insanity. I was having a pretty good day today after 2 nights of hardly any sleep. Then in less then an hour I was reduced to a screaming crying idiot by 2 of my so called friends. I had slipped away with another friend to play a little casual pool on line with a very dear friend of mine. We were playing loser stands, and I had was trying to help another friend with his computer at the same time when another friend made a tourney in our lg room. I had just left the lg room after running a tourney of my own. He was there and make no effort of making a tourney, but as soon as I got the chance to play the friend I had went to the other room to play he massed the tourney to draw me back to the lg room.
It sucks so bad I an not have even an hour to do what I want to without being pulled away from it. I have another friend and I was telling him about this he suggests that it may be time for me to dump some of the people I once called friend if they are making me this unhappy. I ask so little for myself, and I try to give everything my friends need to them, but am I wrong to want just a little time for me to do what I want to do without dealing with other peoples problems? Yes I walk on this tiny tight rope and every so often I feel like people I call friends are throwing balls at me to try to make me fall. At times I feel like I have slipped off it and are hanging on to sanity by my fingertips.
Wonder what they would do if I just disappeared some day did not answer my phone of come on line or answer any emails. I had a friend that did that in March she just up and disappeared without even a good bye. Lately I have been thinking more and more that maybe that is what I should do. I am getting older by the day and some day I will pass away and when I do what will I have to show for my life? A few paintings, and some half finished books, but will my memory live on in anyone's mind?
